[Australia] - Help Support A Resource Kit for Rainbow Families - We Talk to Jacqui Tomlins

In Australia (and indeed around the world) our Rainbow Families are thriving - often despite indifference, lack of recognition and sometimes extreme hostility.  As a gay dad I try to be very active in the community for the sake of our children.  I think of myself as a local activist.  It is easy when you have help, support and resources at hand, but unfortunately for many of us those things are not always readily available.

There is a new and exciting project happening right here in Australia.  It is the development of a Resource Kit for Rainbow Families.  I can not emphasise how important I think this project is.  When I found out about it, our family immediately pledged some money to help it become a reality (link).  I recently caught up with Jacqui Tomlins, a lesbian mum, who is the woman behind this project.

For those who don't know of Jacqui - she is one amazing woman.  A lesbian mum with 3 kids.  A blogger. An activist. And a wonderful advocate for GLBTI parenting rights.  She has a blog (link) which is a damn fine read any day.

What was the impetus behind the "Resource Kit for Rainbow Families"?

Jacqui: The impetus behind the resource kit came from a lot of discussions with rainbow families – both in person and through my blog. As rainbow families we deal with all sorts of issues every day and we’ve become very good at coming up with creative solutions to many of the problems we face. We spend a lot of time talking, educating, agitating and, almost without realising it, we’ve become extremely skilled at advocating for our families. I thought it would be fantastic if we could somehow capture all that expertise, knowledge and experience and share it around.

I see the resource kit as something very informative and practical, but something that I hope will also empower parents to advocate on behalf their families.

How did you come up with the issues to cover in the Kit?

Jacqui: Three kids over ten years; I had a big list to start with! But I invited half a dozen same-sex families around for the evening and we ate, drank and brainstormed. It was a great night and by the end of it I think we’d come up with pretty much every topic that could be covered – and we loosely prioritised that list. I’ve committed to covering ten topics to start with, but if we exceed the target, I’ll write more. I think there are 22 subject headings in my list and I would dearly love to get enough funding to do the whole lot. Actually, that would be a huge  job – I should probably be careful what I wish for!

When completed, how do you hope the Kit will be used? By whom?

Jacqui: I’m hoping the kit will find a broad audience. Obviously my primary target is rainbow families at different stages along the parenting journey. I hope that, for example, a parent might read the information sheet on choosing a rainbow-family friendly school when their first child is about to start.

I’m hoping the kit will also be used by a range of health, education, social and family services that work with rainbow families. 

Funding is always a problem.  Why did you settle on crowd funding?

Jacqui: I did a lot of research into funding: particularly government grants and charitable foundations, but either we weren’t eligible or the foundations had cut back because of the Global Financial Crisis.  

I had a couple of crowd-funding projects appear on my Facebook page that I was more than happy to support and that got me thinking. Again, I did a lot of research into crowd-funding and the different platforms and I thought Pozible could really work. 

Since I started my blog about 18 months ago I’ve established the sort of networks you need to make it successful. I’ve also been involved with the Rainbow Families Council for a number of years and they were the obvious people to support the project. I love the idea of our community – and the people who support our community – raising the funds to make a project like this happen. 

It was wonderful speaking to Jacqui.  She inspires me to be more active for GLBTI parenting rights.  I wish I had the skills and drive to put in the enormous amount of work to make projects like this a reality.  But, I guess like most of you, I recognise that it is not a skill I have.  But I am comfortable with that because I know I can still help this become a reality by supporting it financially.

Every single dollar helps.

The target is low considering all the things that are needed to make this a reality.  I strongly encourage you all to visit the Pozible site and find out more about OUTSpoken Families.  I then really encourage you to pledge some money to help this become a reality.  Every little bit helps and our families will be the beneficiaries of all this work.  You will, I guarantee, be left with a feeling that YOU are helping to improve the lives of our GLTBI families.  What better present could you give your kids!

[USA] - Portland, Oregon - Magnet for Gay Couples Wanting Babies - USA Today - Haya El Nasser

Great story about Oregon being a place for surrogacy, showing it is not just California as a destination.

[Source: USA Today]

Portland, Ore., famous for its coffeehouses, indie music, microbreweries and bookstores, is now gaining recognition -- particularly among gay couples -- for a lesser-known attraction: reproductive medicine.

Gays and lesbians who want babies are flocking from as far away as France and Israel to conceive their dream of becoming parents using donor eggs, donor sperm and surrogates — something not allowed in their home countries.

The USA is a top market for gay-friendly surrogacy, and a growing number of couples come from overseas, creating a burgeoning travel segment commonly called medical tourism.

"They all, without exception, cannot do surrogacy or egg donation in their countries," says Ron Poole-Dayan, executive director of Men Having Babies, a non-profit support network for biological gay fathers and fathers-to-be. At least 40% of the 1,000 couples in the group are European.

The popularity of the USA with gays and lesbians worldwide who aspire to be parents is understandable. But Portland?

There are several reasons why the City of Roses, which combines small-town charm (fewer than 600,000 people) with a big-city vision that's become an international model for good planning (light-rail, an urban-growth boundary), is becoming a magnet for gay couples on a parental mission:

[Australia - Victoria] - VARTA Time to Tell Seminar - For Donor Conceived Parents & Children

There is a seminar being run in Melbourne by the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (VARTA) on 18 May 2013 called "Time to Tell".  Donor conceived children are one of the way the GLBTI community have families and dealing with explaining this to your children can cause people anxiety and stress.  Sometimes it is simply not knowing the words to use or looking for resources to support you during this process.

"Talking to children about how we became a family with the help of a donor or surrogate. It's all about openness, honesty, how, when and why tell.

The Time to tell seminar provides tips on how, when and what to say so that parents feel more confident and children can understand the unique way in which they came into this world.

Speakers including counsellors, parents from different family constellations, donors and donor-conceived young people, provide insight and advice on all aspects of talking to children about becoming a family with the help of donated eggs, sperm, embryos or a surrogate.

Potential parents, parents, friends, family, donors and professionals are all welcome". 

Also the Rainbow Families Council will have a stall, so pop over and say hello to the guys there.

Saturday, 18 May 2013 from 9:15 AM to 3:00 PM

Northcote High School
St Georges Road
Northcote, Victoria 3070
Australia

http://www.varta.org.au/
please see website to RSVP.

[Australia - New Zealand] - We Speak to David from Fertility Connections About His Family and Organisation

Recently we spoke to David Formosa-Urquhart, the founder of Fertility Connections.  David with his partner are gay dads and have set up Fertility Connections.  We sat down and had a chat to David about being gay dads and Fertility Connections.

You are a gay male couple with children.  Tell us a bit more about how you became parents.  What was your journey like?

My partner Glen and I started our surrogacy journey in Aug 2007. We choose a clinic in Mumbai, India after researching agencies in both the US and India. In the beginning we had a romanticised view of surrogacy, we thought that it was as simple as flying to India, provide our semen samples, choose an egg donor, a surrogate each and then fly back home. After nine months hop back on a plane again to India for the birth of our babies. Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple for us.

We had two failed attempts and two miscarriages (a single and twins) before our first son was born in December 2010, another two failed attempts before our twins were born in October 2011. So that was a total of eight attempts, four were failed attempts, two positive pregnancies ended in miscarriage and two were obviously successful. We had two anonymous South African egg donors donate to us as well as one anonymous Indian egg donor who donated to us twice. We ended up having attempts with five different surrogates. We continue to stay in contact with our children's surrogates, we send photo albums twice a year and try and Skype regularly.

If you were able to start your surrogacy journey again, is there anything you would have done differently?

I'm not the sort of person that regrets anything in life, I do believe everything happens for a reason. However, I think I would have made a conscious decision to have used known egg donors instead of an anonymous egg donors. We were only offered anonymous donors and we thought that the donor profiles and photos would be enough information for our children. However as our kids grow, I can't help but to think what will happen if they ever wanted to find their donors in the future.

In the last 12 months you started the Fertility Connections website. Can you tell us a bit about why you started it and what services it offers.

I guess it was a series of events in my recent life that lead me to create the Fertility Connections website. When our twins were around 5 months old, I stumbled upon an ad on a baby forum from a couple who were searching for a sperm donor. Donating sperm was always something that I had thought about doing and I felt that it would be a great way of "paying forward" the gift that we had received. Without our amazing egg donors, we wouldn't have a family. So to cut a long story short, I ended up donating to that couple and another couple about 6 months later. Through doing so, I realised that there was a need for a well run website where intended parents could meet with known sperm donors, instead of using anonymous sperm donors from clinics. During this time, I also read a few comments from members of the Surrogacy Australia Facebook page complaining that there wasn't really anywhere for intended parents in Australia to meet potential surrogates. After hearing that, the seed was planted and I set out to create a website for people needing help creating a family within Australia or New Zealand. After months of legal advice, research and web designers, Fertility Connections Australia & New Zealand was born. Fertility Connections is a meeting place and support network for known sperm donors, egg donors, surrogates, intended parents and co-parents within Australia and New Zealand. Donors, surrogates and intended parents interested in surrogacy are able to register and use the website at no charge.

What has been the response like so far to the Fertility Connections service.  

Fertility Connections went "live" in late October 2012 and our numbers have now climbed to over 140 members. Interest is growing rapidly, especially now that members are spreading the word about how they found their donor or surrogate on the website. In the six months that the website has been running, I have heard back from two couples who have found their surrogate, two couples who have found an egg donor and several intended parents who have found a sperm donor with the help of the Fertility Connections website. I love hearing positive match stories, it inspires me to keep improving the website.

We have a great mix of members, I would say that there is probably equal amounts of both gay and straight members. We have gay male couples who are looking for either an egg donor, surrogate or both. I have found that many of our sperm donor members are gay guys. Some are single guys and some are gay dads who, like me, want to pay forward the gift that they have received.

The website's private members forum has proved to be a popular place for members to ask questions, tell their personal stories and for those members who are legally able to advertise for a surrogate to place an ad. Everyone is really supportive and willing to share their experiences. Two of our forum moderators are experienced surrogates, Allie has recently given birth to her surro baby and Amy is in the second trimester of her second surrogacy pregnancy. They have both brought so much to our online community and are passionate able promoting surrogacy within Australia and NZ. We also have experienced egg and sperm donor members who are willing to assist new donors as well as intended parents.

What would be your advice for gay singles and couples who are considering surrogacy here in Australia.

Obviously, I'd first recommend that they become a member of Fertility Connections. It is a totally free service, you have nothing to loose! There is a lot of information on the website for intended parents to read and better informed themselves about the potential of doing surrogacy here. I would also recommend that they speak to a lawyer who specialises in surrogacy law so that they understand exactly where they stand legally. We do have a "ask an expert" section within our forum where members can ask questions for a surrogacy lawyer to answer at no charge. There is also a list of lawyers who specialise in surrogacy/donor law within the members area of the website.

It is also important that people understand that doing surrogacy in Australia can take more time than commercial overseas surrogacy. One of the main reasons for this is that you, as the intended parent, need to find and screen the egg donor and surrogate yourself. The website does offer some help with this process, there are a list of questions and other helpful information for members to access once they think they have found a potential donor or surrogate. The relationship created between an intended parent, egg donor and surrogate can be a life long one if set up correctly from the start.

How do you see Fertility Connections developing?  

I hope that Fertility Connections can continue to help childless couples find the missing piece or pieces they need to create at family in their home countries, instead of having to travel overseas to do so. I feel that the website will eventually be transformed to allow members from all over the world to join and start their own little communities with. We already have some international donors who are willing to donate here altruistically. So I feel that this shift is already happening, it's only a matter of time before we take over the world!

To find our more, you can contact David at Fertility Connections here.

[USA] - Letter to Editor - Parenting Team of Two Mothers has Benefited Family

A great letter to the Westerly Sun in Connecticut a Shane Irwin about how wonderful it is having two mothers.

[Source: Westerly Sun]

Let me tell you my story. I am a 26-year-old male. I have worked since I was 14 years old and have an excellent career. I live on my own (and have since I was 18), and have worked very hard for everything I have today in my life. I am a well-adjusted, normal, hard-working young adult. A lot of this I credit to my parents for how I was raised. So you would think I have a great mother and father, right? Well, wrong. I now have two phenomenal mothers.

My mother and father were married until I was about 9. I do not remember one good thing from their relationship when I was a kid. Not one. After my mother and father divorced, my mom and I had only each other to lean on. She worked non-stop to provide a good life for me. Was it hard for her and I? Of course! However, I wouldn’t change it for anything. It made both of us the strong, independent people we are today.

[USA] - Guys With Kids - Exciting New Web Resource

Rosenberg-Van-Gameren-family

There is a relatively new website out there called "Guys with Kids" and it is run by a couple of dads Ferd and Brian. It is exciting to see such a proliferation of great websites by gay dads out there and this one is definitely one to keep watching.

Ferd and Brian describe their "mission" as:

Why Guys With Kids? Becoming dads has had a profound impact on our lives. We have gone through adoption and surrogacy, so we know full well the hard work and challenges gay men face when starting a family. And with three toddlers, we know first-hand what an incredible journey fatherhood is.

We suspect our lives are not all that different from our straight counterparts, but being a gay family does cause us to view situations differently. We know we have had experiences unique to families like ours and we look forward to sharing our experiences with you.

We anticipate Guys With Kids will develop into a resource for all things related to gay dads and their families, but for now please enjoy our blog and the gay family portraits on our home page.

I'd encourage you all to pay Ferd and Brian a visit and drop them a note.

[Source: GuyswithKids]

[Australia] - Awkward, Australia - A Short & Powerful (and Fun) Video for Marriage Equality

I just discovered this video by BeTeamUnicorn about Marriage Equality and Australia.  It is short, fun and punchy.  I love it.  Please share it.

[USA] - Gay Parent - Magazine

The Gay Parent magazine has been around since 1998.  It is a traditional bound newsprint magazine featuring personal stories of LGBT parents from across the country and around the world - "we take you into their homes. Parents speak candidly about their experiences with international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, using a surrogate, parenting with an ex, coming out after being in a straight marriage and what it is like to raise their children in their part of the world".

The publication has also moved in to digital downloads (yeah!).

The latest issue is the March-April 2013 issue #87 featuring Neil Patrick Harris his husband David Burtka and their twins Gideon and Harper.  To find out more visit the Gay Parent magazine website here.

[Facebook] - New Global Gay & Lesbian Parenting News Group

Gay Dads Australia has recently created a new Facebook group called "Global Gay & Lesbian Parenting News".  As the name suggests, the group will exist to post the latest news relating to GLBTI parenting issues from around the world.

The aim is to help share, inform and inspire GLBTI families, parents-to-be and our allies.

You are encouraged to join the group and even contribute and share news that relate to the GLBTI parenting issues.

Please share this with anyone who may be interested in joining the group.

The group can be found here.

[Ireland] - No Danger to Children in Same-Sex Marriage - Simone McCaughren & Aisling Parkes - Independent

With the marriage equality now a live issue in Ireland the issue (like everywhere else) often turns to the children of same-sex parents.  We all know our children do fine with same-sex parents and it is tiresome to have to defend it time and time again.  However, it is powerful when articles like this appear in mainstream publications.  Dispelling the misinformation that our opponents seek to perpetuate.

[Source: Independent.ie]

THE Constitutional Convention has voted in favour of amending the Constitution to allow same-sex marriage by a 79pc majority. The controversial issue of same-sex parenting in Ireland is central to the same-sex marriage debate.

In many ways, it also raises the related issue of joint adoption by same-sex couples, something that is currently prohibited in Ireland. While Irish law does not permit joint adoption by same-sex couples, the reality is that a single gay or lesbian person can adopt. This is reflective of traditional societal beliefs regarding homosexuality, lest we forget that homosexuality was only decriminalised in 1993.

Many types of family constellations exist within contemporary Irish society including same-sex couples or civil partners with children. Indeed, irrespective of whether one agrees or disagrees with same-sex couples having families, the point is that this family structure has existed for generations and is now part of what is becoming an increasingly diverse Irish society. This is not only an equality and civil-rights issue for adults.

More importantly, it is about recognising and protecting the rights of children who grow up in less traditional family forms. It is particularly important to address this issue in light of the recent constitutional referendum on children's rights.

[Australia] - Survey of Rainbow Families - Relationships Australia - Victoria

Some time last year many of you will have completed the FRC Community Consultation - Survey of Rainbow Families "Survey".  Now Relationship Australia (Victoria) - The Family Relationship Centre have posted their report.  

You can see a full copy here.

As a community organisation, Relationships Australia Victoria (RAV) is committed to ensuring equal access for all Victorians to all of RAV’s services and programs. Melbourne and Greensborough FRC’s recognise that we work within a diverse community and acknowledge the range of needs and characteristics within those communities. As such, we recognise the need to provide an inclusive service for all families and value the importance of people feeling understood, respected and supported in the use of our services. Melbourne and Greensborough FRC’s feel that GLBTI inclusive practice in particular is important for a number of reasons. Firstly, both FRC’s are aware from research, anecdotal evidence and staff feedback that there are barriers in GLBTI parented families accessing mainstream family support services and there may be particular issues around accessing post-separation parenting support. 

Having GLBTI staff at the FRC’s has also increased the Centre’s awareness of particular issues GLBTI parented families may experience as well as barriers they may face when accessing our service and the need to address these. Secondly, while a number of GLBTI parents have attended the FRC’s for information, advice and family dispute resolution services, feedback regarding their experiences in accessing and using our services has not been sought. We wanted to know if we are in fact providing an inclusive service for GLBTI clients and how we might be able to improve our service and practice.

[USA] - Tuc Watkins from Desperate Housewives is a Gay Single Dad

The Marie Osmond talk show recently featured Tuc Watkins, the actor who played on the of the gay neighbours on Desperate Housewives, is a gay man and a dad.  Watch and enjoy.

[Global] - Cute Video on GLBTI Parenting - Stephanie Langlais

This is a cute and short little video.  It is wonderful to see our families being discussed in an education environment.

[USA] - Josh and Matt, Soon-To-Be Gay Dads, Discuss Surrogacy - Glennisha Morgan - Huffington Post

How did I miss this from last weeks Huff Post!  Josh and Matt are expecting twins.  Wonderful piece.  To watch the video Click Here.

[Source: Huffington Post]

Josh and Matt first met outside of the musical "Hairspray." After a second chance meeting a few months later at a mutual friend's birthday party, they began to date and it wasn't long before Matt was considering proposing to Josh.

The happy couple got engaged on the day that New York passed marriage equality, after sharing the momentous victory with an entire movie theater.

Now, upon comparing the pricing and possible outcomes between adoption and surrogacy, the couple has decided on surrogate and are awaiting twins.

Check out Josh and Matt's full story in the video above.

[United Kingdom] - When a Gay Dad Comes Out to his Children - Phil Reay-Smith - Yano

A wonderful and touching account of coming out to your children.

[Source: Yano]

Phil Reay-Smith talks to Trevor about coming out to his children

‘My overriding memory of leaving home is my son Sam running out into the street, screaming. It’s just the most awful thing ever.’

Gay men being parents is nothing new. It’s just the way they become parents that is changing.

My friend Trevor became a father to Rachel in 1987 and Sam in 1990. But he had first married a woman – despite knowing that he was attracted to men, and despite letting his bride-to-be know as much before she married him.

He’d come from a Jewish family and admits his religious upbringing meant he didn’t have much idea of how people outside his community lived. Though he liked men, he didn’t think he was gay, as being gay meant acting like John Inman in Are You Being Served?

But when his children were still young, aged five and three, Trevor realised that’s exactly what he was, thanks to a trip to New York and an introduction to the gay scene where he met men whom he finally felt he could identify with.

For a while he lived with his wife in an open relationship, but realised that if he were to have a fulfilled personal life he would have to move out.

‘I sat down with my daughter Rachel and said, “Daddy has to leave. I’m not leaving you, but it’s important that mummy has the opportunity to have a new man, and that I have the opportunity to have a man as well,”’ he says.

Read the full article here.

[Source: Yano]