[Australia] - It's My Body, but Their Baby - Sunday Magazine - Rachel Kunde

A lovely story in the Sunday Magazine about a surrogate and how she has help a straight couple and a gay couple become parents.  Good news story.  Lots of love.

[Source: Original Article]

SURROGATE Rachel Kunde, 31, has no qualms about carrying a baby - or two - for someone else.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I read an article about donating eggs and thought it would be a nice thing to do for a couple who couldn't have kids. After giving my eggs to three couples, I found the hospital trips and day surgery to extract the eggs too painful and I stopped.

One of the couples I'd helped, Amy* and Ben*, had mentioned they were searching for a surrogate. It wasn't something I had ever considered, but after speaking to my husband, Simon, we figured I had the eggs and the womb, and we didn't want any more children, so why not help someone else?


At the time, surrogacy was illegal in Queensland, but when I learnt the government was looking at decriminalising it, I became more interested. We weren't involving clinics and I wasn't being paid 
- we weren't doing anything wrong.

The timing wasn't right for Amy and Ben, so I started the surrogacy process with a couple in Western Australia, whom I met on an online support forum. There were a lot of emails, phone calls and coffee dates. Trust is a massive factor in these situations; you need to have an open and honest relationship. If something goes wrong, you don't want to be unsure about telling your recipients for fear of hurting their feelings.

After eight months of home inseminations (where the husband provided a sperm sample before 
I inserted it with a syringe and laid down for a while), I fell pregnant. It was with my own egg, which is referred to as traditional surrogacy.

We'd estimate my time of ovulation and then he'd fly to Brisbane. I'd get stressed praying I ovulated while he was here - which may be why it took so long to succeed, but it worked eventually.

Unfortunately, I miscarried. I thought, that's it, my surrogacy journey is over. But I found the determination to try it again.
Amy and Ben were ready to have another child, so I decided to have it for them. When I told my children, Brittany, 13, Ciara, 8, and Addison, 5, Brittany replied "cool". The other two had less of an understanding - they knew I'd carry a baby for other people, but didn't fully comprehend what that meant.

There's only so much explaining you can do to kids their age, but Ciara is good friends with Amy and Ben's daughter, who was conceived when I donated an egg to them - her half-sister. They rarely see each other, but I find it heart-warming they have a bond as friends.
After falling pregnant the same way as before, I learnt to pick and choose who I told my situation to; I was sick of explaining myself. There were a lot of questions about how much I was being paid, which upset me because I don't like the assumption surrogates only do it for the money.

It's illegal to make financial gain for surrogacy in Australia; my recipients paid for my health insurance, extra daycare for my children while I went to pre-natal appointments and maternity clothes. 
At work, I was entitled to maternity leave benefits, and Medicare and private health insurance covered most costs. The process cost Amy and Ben about $7000. I didn't make any money out of it.

We drew up a contract even though it wouldn't be legally enforceable. If I'd changed my mind and decided to keep the baby, there was nothing the recipients could do other than take me to court. That's why trust between both parties is so important.
But, honestly, it was a relief to hand over their son when he was born. I was tired of being pregnant and happy to complete the journey. The whole experience was a team effort and I tried to involve the recipients in the birth as much as possible. Amy was ecstatic. She was beside me through most of it with a look of pure joy on her face. As I had a C-section, the recipients held the baby first, but even if it was a natural birth, I'd have wanted it that way. A baby bonding with their parents after birth is important for all involved and I wouldn't want to take that away from them.

Coming home with a post-baby body was tough. You don't look as you usually do, but you have no real excuse for it - 'I had a baby, but I don't have a baby'. Friends and family were worried about how I'd cope and they treated me as though the baby had died.
A few months after I gave birth to James* for Amy and Ben, I met Michael and Jared through mutual friends. They'd had bad luck with their past potential surrogates, so I offered to have a baby for them. I knew I was ready to do it again.

I fell pregnant with twins Elijah and Huxley through the same 'turkey basting' procedure. My family was incredibly supportive, but I think Simon felt the energy I was putting into maintaining a relationship with the intended parents took away from my time with him and the girls. Plus, the strain pregnancy puts on your body means you can't always chase the kids around the yard or do other family things.
Giving birth to the twins was the first time I questioned what I was doing. I had a placental abruption and nearly bled out; my life and the life of the babies were at risk. The look on Simon's face when he saw me in hospital made me wonder how I could be so selfish in pursuing my dream to help others that I would put my own family situation at risk. People think your greatest concern will be how you feel about giving away the child - when there should be as great a concern for your health, too.

Many people assume that once you have the baby, you never hear from the receiving family again, but they send me texts, emails and photos of the twins all the time. I'm a part of their lives - we're an extended family. We meet up in the school holidays and celebrate birthdays together.

Every time I see a photo, I wonder if the twins look like me; but I can disconnect really easily. My surrogate children are all boys, so they don't resemble my girls. I love to compare them sometimes, but I don't think it's weird. Children take on the characteristics of whoever's raising them. I'm not having enough input in their lives for them to adopt my personality.

So, what did I get out of it all? The experience and the knowledge I'm helping people become parents. I'm a big believer in karma and I think doing good for someone will bring me good fortune one day.

I'd like to be a surrogate again, but my husband is worried we wouldn't find a couple as nice as our last recipients. Still, I'm only 31, who knows what will happen? At the moment, I'm happy to carry on with life as it is.

* Name has been changed.

[Source: Original Article]